What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:33
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
I have no regrets .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
What would explain Trump blaming Ukraine for starting the war with Russia?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
How is Sola Scriptura incoherent?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She wouldn,t have been !
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What did i know ?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Is it right to visit any shrine or tomb in Islam?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Would this be the day?
Why is my ex mad I moved on when he dumped me?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Have you ever accidentally found out that you were about to be fired?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Was to survive, this bastard.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why can’t conservatives accept the fact that they are stupid?
Put me off passion for life!!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was 9 years of age.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I said to her
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot live in the past .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And i lived it daily.
I was very sick at this time too.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So whats the point in blame.
But it wasn’t much.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
It was going to be , some day.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was seconnd youngest,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She found it foreign!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She loved him until the end.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im still living with it.
My life is so biszare .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She married twice! .
I don,t even have a pension.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
This is soul school!.
We were not on the streets..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My family never makes their pension either.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She was in good health!
I write beautiful poetry .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But, we were locked up after school.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was scared of men, in general
He resisted the act ,that day.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Ive learnt so much.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I waited trembling.
When she asked me how she looked .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Comes on , in middle age.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I will be 64.
So, i spoilt her more .
But ive been too sick for many years..
All the time i was locked up.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Who then, do I blame.?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We all went to grammer schools
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He knew the spot.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!